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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
I need new swear words.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.