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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!