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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
When I was a kid they didn`t call it "Behavioral Disorders", They called it "Being a little brat".
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.