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*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
really vry funny
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Ride me like you stole me.
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
If you slept with my husband I`d be like "OMG how much do I owe you?"
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
*Opens box of cereal* We’ve updated our Privacy Policy
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
I scream. You scream. The police come ... It`s awkward ;)