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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
my husband of 10 years still goes mad when I use his toothbrush, if anyone knows a better way to get dog poo off shoes, im all ears
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver