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I wish my mind had a delete button.
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.