Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Of all the things life has given to me... I would like to return 20 lbs.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.