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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
I`m not homophobic, I love my house!
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"