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Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
I`d say that most of my mistakes can be traced back to when I decided to get out of bed. ... just sayin! ;)
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.