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Pizza is my favorite winter activity
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me