Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.