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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think, βOh crap! Itβs the cops!β?
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
I`m painting a blue square in the backyard... so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
I asked my wife if we could get a hot young nanny. Of course she got mad and said "No!". For one thing, we don`t have any kids...
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.