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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Dear college students, Sorry about your GPA. - Netflix
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess it`s safe to say it was a pretty sh!tty chameleon.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
slugs are snails that are going through a divorce
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”