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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
I hate that they put "use by" dates on condoms... like I`m not under enough pressure trying to get laid already.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
It`s kind of creepy that you noticed me staring at you.