Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
6 inch - about right, 7 inch - cant complain, 8 inch - f*cking perfect, 9 inch - a bit much, 10 inch - its hurting my insides, 11 inch - I cant take it anymore, 12 inch - I`m absolutely f*cking destroyed ... Aren`t pizza`s just awesome.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Fun fact: Deciding where to eat is the leading cause of divorce
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.