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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
A week is just five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch