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I`ve fallen down the stairs before. I don`t see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Actually I don`t think it would be all that hard to get out of a pickle.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Somewhere the inventor of yoga pants is near death from all the high fives and non-stop free tequila shots he gets.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
There’s no such thing as being ready for vacation to be over.