Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
There is no peer pressure like washing your hands because someone else walked into the bathroom.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. And that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about marriage.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.