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Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.