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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`