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Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
I fake my lol`s