Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
This ramen noodle and vienna sausage dinner taste exactly like I made the wrong career choice :(
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.