Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
wants to rock and roll all night
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"