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If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Dear Fork, I understand that we haven`t spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is Spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors. :(
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.