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Flat screens are nice and all, but they`ll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars