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Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.