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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
There`s no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Toilets are really just fart amplifiers when you are trying to be quiet.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
Your cat doesn`t love you. If it were bigger it would eat you.
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.