Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Please don`t wear skinny jeans if you don`t have skinny genes.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
My road to success is under construction and all the workers are out getting sh!tfaced.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.