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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Being normal is boring.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
You ever notice “q”, “p”, “b” and “d” is the same letter but with a different angle.