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My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then...
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.