Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
tonights theme: grab somebody sexy tell them hey, give me everything tonight!
My problem? Smart phones are too smart.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.