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I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car