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One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
I`d like to give a shoutout to all the people who are going through an identity crisis, you know who you are... I think.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?