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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
The downside to posting jokes all the time is that if I posted "Help, I am in an Iranian prison" everyone would be like "haha good one"
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.