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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
My internet goes out more than I do.
"I have to go eat cake now", should be a perfectly valid reason for leaving a social occasion where cake has not been provided.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
My doctor told me to eat more bacon cheeseburgers. Well, what he technically said was to eat "less pizza", but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.