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I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.