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Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Bitches be trippin..... ok, maybe I pushed that one.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re making my pizza & you say "This guy looks like he wants extra cheese" then please do..
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
When you introduce clapping to your dancing you might probably be too old to be in a night club at 1am.