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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.