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Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
MY 8 YEAR OLD: "Walrus testicles are called walnuts."
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.