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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.