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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
my girlfriend does that cute thing, where she doesnt exist.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.