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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
NERD WEDDING: Instead of saying “I do.” They say “I accept the terms & conditions.”
Googling ways to dispose of a body, mostly to freak out the douche behind me who keeps staring at my laptop screen
Irons are like 1000 degrees, who`s bright idea was it to make an ironing board the flimsiest contraption ever made?
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......