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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Relax, we`re all crazy. It`s not a competition.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
Time travel means never having to say you`re sorry...
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I find that some of the best jokes are the ones that drag you in slowly and then leave you waiting in antici...
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.