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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
Today is national I don`t feel like doing sh!t today. Celebrate accordingly.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I`ve dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I`m getting smokin` hot is by getting cremated.