Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
My internet goes out more than I do.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`