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And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is