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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
The worst thing about renting movie from a Red Box is that a $1 late fee isn’t enough motivation to get off the couch.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.