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If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell, well he actually told me to eat "less McDonalds" but I`m pretty sure I know what he meant.
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)