Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.