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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
It`s amazing how I come up with my best status updates when I`m in the shower or when I`m driving. I think it has a lot to do with me being naked.
All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don`t subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work