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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
So after vacuuming with the new Dyson, I`m pleasantly surprised to learn that the carpet upstairs is actually hardwood.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
My roommate is going on a date tonight.. He said he`s convinced she IS coming home with him.. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters.. Now we wait..
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
My boss was all, "Do you know why I called you to the office, " and I was like, "I dunno is there a hidden security camera in the bathroom."
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.