Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saved my husband`s life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
FYI: You have to stop Facebook posting to have an alibi for ignoring texts.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”