Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always stop to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porno starts off!
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Aren`t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know...The birth of Santa
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers