Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
I threw a shotgun shell at my daughter`s date. ..then I told him it`s much faster after 11pm
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...