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Exercise? More like extra fries.
I hate to sound racist, but.. all of your baby ultrasounds look the same.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
Don`t trust anyone that orders a Medium Pizza....
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Not so great minds also think alike.
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
I`m perfect you adjust.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.