Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
Never take a Chess enthusiast to a restaurant with checkered tablecloths!……It’ll take them an hour to pass the salt!
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.