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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
when i was little my dad told me that the icecream man only played music when he ran out of icecream well played dad well played
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!