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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."