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Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I miss the life I planned in my head.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.