Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.