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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."