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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
Last night I went out drinking with some high school friends. About 2 hours into it they were like..."dude, shouldn`t you be hanging out with people your own age?"
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
If someone invites you to their wedding, it`s apparently bad form to say "Sorry I can`t make it but I`ll come to your next one".