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I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?