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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion. I just have to run faster than you.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.