Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
I wonder how often I’ve narrowly avoided death without even noticing.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.