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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I think it`s about time Taylor Swift wrote a song called "Maybe I`m the Problem"
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.