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I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
"i wasn`t that drunk"..Dude!you tied me to a chair and bitch-slapped me,yelling "where`s Harry Potter!!"
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.