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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.