Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.