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Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
Id explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
I`m tired of things costing money
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.