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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...