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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
It`s not stalking if you love them!
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.